The deepest impression in my primary school stage at SKHLMC memorial school was the year primary 4. I remembered there was a talent performance near Christmas. Every class had to group a team to play. I was one of our class team. We had to write the play and gave it to our class teacher to edit. Firstly, I didn't know why our class teacher chose me to act as MC. But I only remembered she told me there was a good attempt to gain some experience. I dared not to refuse her so I tried to remember the progress of the play. What I had to speak on the stage at the opening, during the intermission and at the closing.
This diary was not aimed to write how good or how bad of me and our team. In fact, there were 2 shows, one was in the morning and the other one was in the afternoon. Both of the shows we had to take part in. In the morning show, I forgot to switch on the microphone so that there was no sound when I was speaking. Only the students sitting in the front of the hall could hear what I spoke. This was the only one mistake and the most serious mistake of our team that made by me.
Our team was lost at the performance.
I knew primary 1 students were sitting in the front of the hall and primary 6 students were sitting in the rear of the hall. But why I say there was the most deepest impression when I was in the primary school stage? It was because when I was speaking on the stage, I was glancing around to the audience sitting below the stage. I didn't know why my eye sight was suddenly glanced at a girl where sitting at around the 5-6th row in my right hand side for 1 second. Then my eye sight left her and glanced around again. At first there was nothing special when I saw her because there was normal when someone speaking on the stage should keep eye contact to the audience.
But I didn't know why some scenes were appearing on my brain. Somewhere and somehow I might have been met her. Of course I couldn't remember the actual scenes. I only felt she was very kind at that moment. Then my eyes tried to look at her again but I couldn't know which one she was. Because many students sitting at that area bowed their heads. Also my part of play was finished, I had to pass my microphone to my partners. I daren't say anything because I knew my classmates smelt something. Then I tried to find her afterwards but unsucceeded. I never saw her again until the time I graduated primary 6.
I remembered primary 1 was on the 1st floor, primary 2 was on the 2nd floor and etc. I had never gone to other floors and I always stayed in my class room during breaks. But since the performance, I often went downstairs to the hall during breaks. It was because I could have opportunity to see her again. I liked her.
In fact I forgot her when I was promoted to primary 5. I was no excuse. Might be the textbooks were much difficult than primary 4. Might be I scared my mother. Might be I was disappointed to me from time to time. I needed forgetting the past.
I remembered I met her again one day but I forgot she was her. Also I forgot in which year. I only remembered meeting her with her parents after my parents, my sister and I finished dining at the Chinese cuisine restaurant (Hong Lin). Her father told my father they lived at the building beside that restaurant. I only knew she was always standing out of my eye sight. but I couldn't remember she was that girl sitting as audience below the stage when I was speaking on the stage. I only thought the girl might scared her parent to punish her. For me, the same, I only knew my scare reached the maximum point. My heart seemed to be explored. I scared both my parents and her parents were going to lecture me.
Nothing about that I could remembered since I promoted to secondary school. I didn't meet any girl friends during the 5 year studying at St Louis School. Everyone knows St Louis School is a boyhood school.
A strange situation was happened one day when I was in secondary 5. My best friends we had met since secondary 1, David Kwok and Anthony Chow asked me were there any girlfriends I was dating. I only answered them were you crazy? I did hope I had girlfriend. We had been known for 5 years, always went to/after school together. Why didn’t you trust me? I didn't have any girlfriends. then they asked me was there any girl friends I met before? I answered them no. I only felt they didn't believe me but nothing I could excuse.
I only felt angry and confused at that time. What was happening? Of course I couldn't remember meeting her when I was in primary. But in fact how did they know? It was impossible for them to have known my case because nothing I had been told them during secondary 1 to secondary 5. However, we were standing outside the building the girl was lived in.
Until the day I met a girl in the net when she was age 18. One day when she was just age 20, because of her speaking guideline, I asked her were you the girl I glanced on the stage when I was at that primary school. She replied me yes. The Sun of the beach, she was her!!! I was confused and I couldn't believe myself.
She was her, really? really? And really?
Did you mean you could only become my girlfriend after you were age 30? She replied yes. I never thought about it be my last question. I only hoped my girlfriend was growing with me together from young to old, I couldn't accept the girl were age 30. Of course if we were dating together, age 30 is a small piece of the whole stage from young to old. But I couldn't tolerate we were started dating from age 30. I never think this was my last speaking, my last sentence, my last word speaking to her.
I remembered we were going downhill inside the Bel-Air when I was spoking such a speaking. Her aunt walked beside me along the road when I asked such the question and told her such the answers.
Crazy, crazy and crazy!!!
Hardly had I seized the opportunity to date her, I had to situate in such play!!!???
Why why and why???
Nowadays when I was thinking of the scene, I had a question to me. Should the question were you the girl I glanced on the stage become the first question when I started beginning to date her. In fact, I couldn't know she was her. But why I started beginning to date her if I hadn't known she was her.
I feel guilty.
I shouldn't have gone there.
Also I am afraid only when the time I die can I begin to find out the solution for what have been happening and what was happening. This was the reason why I mentioned in the previous diary I have a feeling I be single when the time I die.
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