There was one day.......
There was one day, I, Ming, walked into a bar on Central Avenue just accorss the street around University of New Mexico all by myself..... That was a beautiful and sunny evening on Thursday after work....
I, Ming, chose to sit by the bar facing the television waiting the basketball game for tonight. A waitress came up to me, and ask me what would i like to drink...... She told me imported beer will be $3.75 USD and domestic beer will be $3.25 USD.... Instinctly, I, Ming, chose a imported one, Harp....
That was a seat next to the bar in the corner. There was a bald fatty guy watching news paper sit next to me on my left side, and no one was on my right. I watched television while the waitress poured the beer for me. A while, I, Ming, lighted up a cigeret as usual and drank my beer..... Suddenly, a strange feeling came up to my head, I felt that someone is peeking at me... I, Ming, turned my head to my left, it was that fatty bald guy looking at me in a strange way.... It seems told me one thing..... "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS ASIAN DOING HERE??"
I, Ming, smiled back to him and kept watching my ball game. It was about 30 mins past, another fatty guy came in and sit next to me on the right. I looked into his eyes and smiled at him, but he didnt response and just look away then talked to the bartender. Since then, we never had eye contact again. And now, there were 2 fatty Americans sit on my both side...... An unsecure feeling bumped into my head, I, Ming, looked around the bar for couple mins. Finally, I, Ming, found out that I, Ming, was the only NONE white in this whole place.
Another 30 mins past, there came a couple college girls standing behind me and talking to each other.... I turned back smiled and looked at them for a while..... However, none of them saw me looking at them and none of them gave a damn about me. It felt like being an alian and an invisible person in this damn place. This wasnt the feelings I ever had in DC....
There was a day, I, Ming, waked up with my t-shirt all wet.... It was a dream, a fucking terrible dream...... It was a winter in 2010....... Somehow, I, Ming, decide to extend another commitment of my H1 visa..... It was a chilly morning, our boy is coming home!!!...... I was in a taxi listened to the radio on my way to airport...... A scary news about the strait issues from the radio...... the driver asked me if i am a chinese?? and then turned the volume more louder for me...... When I arrived the airport and walked up to the check-in counter.... I was told.... "sorry sir, you can not go anywhere..... you are a citizen of nowhere for now....."
..... sounds familar isnt it???
Another 30 mins past in that bar, I was watching the TV and thinking..... I was fucked up back in DC.... now it is even more god damn fucked up here..... being a kinda alian, an invisible people even like a piece of shit in this "American Life" which hell a lot of people want to involve with.....
I was doomed..... totally doomed..... I was die trying to make friends with strangers so god damn hard since I left school.... trying so hard to be one part of that "American Life" in my imagination of being one part of them..... Now, I realized that I was fucking doomed...... It was totally wasting time of trying to be one of them......Still language problems? Maybe... My problems?? Possible.... Cultural differences???... Could be.... OR I do treated like a piece of fucking shit??? I dont know.... This is real authentic "American Country Life"..... welcome to the real world.... this isnt New York full bunch of people from different countries, this isnt L.A. full of bunch of Asian people...... this isnt SanFrancisco, Chicago, Houston....
This is god damn desert in the middle of fucking nowhere..... what the fuck you expect??
Finally, I walked out the bar.... It was about 8, and it is still daylights outside..... I looked at the sky above the horizontal landscape far far away....... It was so beautiful.... the blue sky with a little orange, a little purple, a little pink.... It was so amazing..... at that moement I realized...
It is time to go home before the alcohol hits me......
There was one day........actually, that one day is TODAY... I, Ming, am in a desert, the middle of fucking nowhere, Albuquerque....
And I am still finding that Lemon, that Lemon belongs to me...
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